My friend, Michele, left a message for me yesterday that I have joined a "sad sisterhood." Yes.
A few days ago, I posted a prayer request on my blog. I thank all of you who have prayed and, in a sense, I believe those prayers have been answered... though not the way I would have hoped.
I found out yesterday that I miscarried. (I can't even begin to describe how hard that word is to say, write, think...) I would have been 10 weeks today, but the ultrasound taken yesterday showed the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. The really hard part has yet to come to pass, but it will in the next couple of days.
So, prayers were answered. I found out what was wrong - why things were happening to me that I couldn't explain. Now, I just need to find peace. I'm getting there.
I've had friends tell me they're sorry and they don't know what to say. That's okay - I understand. I honestly don't know what to say either. I want to say I'm sorry, too, but I don't know who I should say it to...
To my husband?
To my children?
To the baby?
I know I didn't do anything wrong. I just feel like we're missing out on something. A life that will never be. And that's the part that is just so sad.
I was hesitant to even publish this post. I never mentioned the pregnancy, so why mention this? I mention it because it's helping me; because, in a sense, this blog is an extension of my journal that I don't mind people reading; because one day, I'll read this post with my children and explain that there was another baby... once upon a time.
Our Last First Day of School
6 months ago